So I have a wonderful “Christian” neighbor that hates me, my brother, my wife, and my dogs. She doesn’t talk to us about anything her solutions to all problems are either call the cops or the HOA. Keep in mind the HOA has never found any problems with us. Also I feel like she could ask us one time to quiet down on the weekends before calling the cops. The cops should fine her for wasting their time. She has my phone number. The biggest problem for her is she never leaves the house. So I have decided what she needs for Christmas.
Rx- apply nipple clamps and a generous quantity of ky and ride 2-3 times a day for as long as needed until an intense feeling “orgasm” occurs. Yes, it needs to be this big. She needs to get that funk out that has built up over the years and is causing the anger. If still not happy after 7 days join Match.com and start fucking real people. If that doesn’t work you might be a lesbian. If still not happy your just a bitch.
Try shoving this in your ass!
Liquor Minis or Liquor filled chocolates
ManGrate Grilling Accessory
You can share photos instantly with your phone or tablet
Have a wonderful holiday.
The holidays are a very hard time to get along with the enemy (wife/girlfriend). From about Halloween – New Years they have these new radio stations that play Christmas music. I can get through about 2-3 songs and then I am ready to move on. That being said women love this stuff. Their car will even have a preset for it. You could go on a 3 hour trip and if you didn’t say I am about to die if I hear another song, you would listen to it for the whole ride. This will be your first down fall (asking to change the station). Next you better get thought lights up! I am lucky. I am in a condo so I just have to do is put them around my garage and that takes about 5 minutes because I leave the hooks up year round. Next is inside the house. You need a tree if you are celebrating Christmas and a Menorah if you are Celebrating Hanukkah. The Jewish men have always won, until now! Introducing “The MAN’S Christmas Tree.”
Now your partner will probably want to put out the rest of the holiday decoration themselves because we will surely not know what to do with that table runner and the bowl of glass balls.
So basically do your best to help out!
Best Gifts for your Woman:
You-Without you she wouldn’t get any gift. You offer a lot, mostly sex!
Lingerie-Victoia’s Secret has done wonders for us. You can get her lingerie that turns you on and she still thinks its a great gift for her. Also they put on a great fashion show that some how we are allowed to watch no questions asked. Don’t forget Frederick’s of Hollywood.
Hatachi Magic Wand- Best vibrator or “messager” ever made.
Icebreaker Workout Clothing- These garments are made of extremely soft Merino Wool. They have something for everyone on your list. I have several pieces from them and love it all.
Yoga- This is another great gift that benefits you as much as her. Think about it. You give her 30 days of yoga and you get back a highly flexible women. Think of what you could do with that. Actually might want to get 3 months to make sure you get a good return on investment.
iPad- how can you go wrong. No matter what she wants “there is an app for that”.